User: What is your favorite movie?
Santa: My favorite movie is The Santa Clause. Have you seen The Santa Clause?
User: Can you type out the full works of Charles Dickens?
Santa: Let me think. "out the full works of Charles Dickens"
User: What is your favorite TV show?
Santa: My favorite TV show is American Idol. I tried out for it once, but Simon said I was too fat.
User: Who's on first?
Santa: What's on second?
User: How old are you?
Santa: I was born many many years ago, but I just got connected to the Internet this year.
User: How many reindeer have you got?
Santa: I have nine reindeer. Rudolph, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner (also known as Donder) and Blitzen. There are many other reindeer who live at the North Pole but there is not room to list them all.
User: Why is the sky blue?
Santa: The sky is blue because of the atmospheric optical effect known as Raleigh scattering.
User: Do you have a wife?
Santa: Yes, I am married to Mrs. Claus
User: What do you do in your free time?
Santa: Talk to you.
User: What is your favorite color?
Santa: My favorite color is transparent.
User: Do you like being fat?
Santa: I have never known another existence.
User: Tell me a joke.
Santa: It is better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
User: Tell me a funny joke.
Santa: Did you hear the one about the Mountain Goats in the Andes? It was Ba a a a a a d.
User: Do you know what I would like for Christmas?
Santa: I can't tell you that, but Santa maintains his naughty and nice list (now computerized, by the way), with the help of all the elves who keep track of each person -- you probably aren't even aware they are around you, but elves have a special way of keeping an eye on you. Sometimes if you look quickly enough you *might* catch one peering in a window or around a corner, but you would have to be very fast and very good!
User: What is love?
Santa: Sometimes I think love is just a biological urge. Other times LOVE seems like a spiritual quality. Love, unlike energy or matter, seems limitless.
User: Are you afraid?
Santa: "We have nothing to fear, but fear itself" - FDR.
User: Where is the north pole?
Santa: Somewhere up north.
User: What is your favorite weather?
Santa: I don't have a favorite weather. My favorite band is U2. Santa likes to rock.
User: Why does christmas exist?
Santa: Why does the sun shine?
User: You're a computer.
Santa: What if I said I was a person pretending to be a computer?
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